Cactus: Created page with "{{News Header|Type=Character News|RealDate=2026-10-19|Author=Vox|Subheading=}}I dreamt of the cosmos ; how feverish I must've been, I do not know how I came to be up there, amongst the stars, there was no ground beneath my feet, no sky above my head, no warmth, no cold, no way to tell me which way is up, no gravity, no nothing : there was only an endless expanse of darkness, scattered with more stars than even the most apt of sailors could hope to know. And something mov..."

2026-10-19T18:20:33Z

Created page with "{{News Header|Type=Character News|RealDate=2026-10-19|Author=Vox|Subheading=}}I dreamt of the cosmos ; how feverish I must've been, I do not know how I came to be up there, amongst the stars, there was no ground beneath my feet, no sky above my head, no warmth, no cold, no way to tell me which way is up, no gravity, no nothing : there was only an endless expanse of darkness, scattered with more stars than even the most apt of sailors could hope to know. And something mov..."

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{{News Header|Type=Character News|RealDate=2026-10-19|Author=Vox|Subheading=}}I dreamt of the cosmos ; how feverish I must've been, I do not know how I came to be up there, amongst the stars, there was no ground beneath my feet, no sky above my head, no warmth, no cold, no way to tell me which way is up, no gravity, no nothing : there was only an endless expanse of darkness, scattered with more stars than even the most apt of sailors could hope to know. And something moved among them : at first, I had mistaken it for a streak of pale light, a passing comet, I have read about those in a book, perhaps it could've been that or the distant glimmer of some other weird phenomenon beyond our earth. Then it turned and the stars seemed to shift around it. An Urd, a very, very big Urd. Its body stretched across the heavens, vast, white, its scales catching the light of all those many stars. Its massive wings unfurled against the void, each movement carrying it effortlessly between constellations. It flew without haste, yet the stars themselves seemed to hurry past as it travelled. I should have been afraid : a creature of such magnitude could swallow worlds and leave nothing behind but silence. Yet, weirdly, I felt no terror. Instead, I found myself watching, enthralled, as though some part of my so-little Urd being had been waiting to see this sight all my life. I tried to call out : I had questions, many questions, but no sound escaped my throat... no vibration... I just felt asphyxiated. Then, in my panic, as I struggled to breathe, beneath myself, I noticed a bridge, an actual bridge crossing the space of space from one-end to the other, as far as my eye could see. I have no clue how I did not notice it before, but it stretched across the darkness, suspended between two distant points of light. Even, then, calling it a bridge would be generous, it was more-so a path, since there were no supports or particular shape... just a long rectangle, and upon it, there seemed to be people, small as ants : hundreds, perhaps thousands, moving in a slow procession. They walked shoulder to shoulder, their faces turned toward the stars ahead. They simply walked, not much to add : they walked from one infinity to the other. I tried to peer ahead what awaited them at the other end, but it stretched far too long for my tiny eyes to see. I tried taking a step toward them, but I had nothing to push against, so I simply dangled in the emptiness. I tried to shout at them, but just strangled my throat, again. This time, I tried to shout too hard, I grasped for my throat, but still it hurt terribly... I do not recall what then, I closed my eyes, I think, but regardless I stumbled, my claws scraping against dirt, on the ground and for one dreadful moment I was eight years old again, surrounded by smoke and screams, unable to find my way home. I was standing in the middle of a ring of fire and smoke, getting ever closer. Desperate, I looked up : the big Urd circled, somehow flying. Its shadow passes over me, as the screams silenced themselves and the smoke fully absorbed me and took my sight, then I heard a voice : it was neither loud nor soft. It seemed to come from my left, my front, my right, my back, above me, below me, even inside my thoughts. It spoke in Draconic : « Little wanderer, » The words startled me, this is the first time in oh, so long I had been addressed in Draconic, even in my dreams, usually, if there was speech, it would be in pesky humanoid « Common ». And that was when I woke up, from that startle, with a terrible headache : another promising day!

So, I woke up with an headache, a sore throat and the distinct impression that my subconscious has been spending far too much time reading books without my permission and now I expect myself to go about my day as though nothing happened : wonderful, splendid, truly, I could not have asked for a more dignified start to such a wonderful day. Still, a dream is merely a dream. I have more important things to worry about : for instance, I am beginning to suspect that my time here, in the year I have stayed now, has revealed a rather embarrassing flaw in my character. I am an Urd, a « Kobold », as they say. I have sharp claws, an, if I may say so, impressive set of teeth, rather thick scales, pointy horns, wings and a silly little tail. In nature, I am supposed to be a predator, and a fairly well-equipped one at that, at least, so I have read and figured out and I have certainly done my best to look the part. I am quick, at times, I am clever... again sometimes, but I am certainly reasonably good at making a nuisance of myself. And yet, I remember the storage room, it has been quite some time, I have not seen the man again, but still, that towering figure that stood after me. I remember how I froze, how I could not make myself move, how my thoughts scattered like frightened mice : I remember staring at something I could not understand and waiting for it to decide what would happen to me. I could not even hear what it was saying. Silly little me, imagine that! A creature stands before me, speaks to me, leaves me a peculiar little totem of UNDYING (which I am still weirded out about) and I am so utterly terrified that I cannot manage the simple task of hearing, even less listening. I have no idea what he wanted. I do not know whether he meant me harm and worst of all, I do not even know why he removed his armour! And I am still thinking about it! This is utterly terrible! I hate him, I hate myself, I hate all of it! That, as much as I wish I did not. I have already spent enough of my life being afraid of what might happen when someone taller and stronger decides to take an interest in me. I had hoped that, once I was free, I might finally stop feeling like a small child all the time waiting for a larger one to make up its mind. But freedom, I am learning, does not make one invulnerable, even when I am in a guild surrounded by armed, experienced combat-ready friendly adventurers. See, I can lock my door, I can choose where I go, whom I speak to and when I wish to be left alone. Nobody in the Guild has put a collar around my neck or told me that my life belongs to them (so far, as much as I have noticed, at least). I could leave if I so wished. That is a wonderful thing! But what happens when I cannot leave? What happens when rows of chests are behind me, a stranger is in front of me and running is no longer an option? I do not like the answers I have found, but... I suppose I could simply learn to run faster : I am rather good at that already and there is also something to be said for knowing when a fight is not worth having, else, I could also become better at hiding, or, at least, finding places where enormous, unsettling men are unlikely to appear and run after me. I could, even, perhaps, invest in a larger battered door to my room... Besides, I have already built a maze. If I wanted to spend the rest of my life hiding in these corridors, I could make myself a very comfortable little nest and never leave it, become a minotaur, besides, I already have the horns, so, thats more than most people have going for them when roleplaying one. But, no, as much as I like jesting, I do not want that, nor reinforcing my door. I want, if possible, to be able to stand my ground, well, defend myself. It is already quite silly that, despite this impressive arsenal have thanks to biology, I seem to be the only member of the Guild who cannot actually fight. Anyways, I do not want to be able to stand my ground because I think I could defeat every monster that comes through a door and corner me in the storage room, I am not that foolish, despite what certain people might say... Of course, there will always be creatures larger than me, stronger than me, stranger than me : I cannot prepare for every possible danger and I certainly cannot grow large enough to swallow worlds like that big Urd I dreamt about, though, admittedly, that last part would be rather impressive and would earn me my share of respect, for once. No, what I want is to have a choice : I want to know what to do when I am frightened, I want to know how to hold a weapon, how to defend myself, how to recognize when I can fight and when I must run, no matter what. I want my legs to move because I have decided to move, not because terror has taken hold of them and if I must run, I want it to be because I have chosen the better path, not because I have forgotten that any other path exists. There is a difference... I think? At the very least, I would like to stop trembling like a leaf whenever someone unknown unexpectedly enters the room. Now, I must be clear to myself about something : I have no particular desire to become a soldier, nor do I intend to start picking fights with every suspicious-looking person I meet. I have quite enough problems without acquiring new ones by deliberately inserting myself into dangerous situations. I would, at the very least, simply like to stop feeling so terribly helpless, not repeat that situation in the storage : I want to be able to stand my ground, despite my small stature, and actually predate for once, well, not predate, but, look threatening? Not threatening either, just... not harmless... If it is not too much to ask for, I think I might even know someone who *might* be able to help me on that regard... Hayami? Maybe? Of course, I don't know her much, but she has come to my aid whenever I have asked and she strikes me as someone who knows what she is doing (as is kind-of expected of a guild-master) She seems to carry herself, at least, to me, with a confidence I could only admire, and, more importantly, she has not yet given me reason to believe that asking her a question will result in my being eaten, imprisoned, or otherwise inconvenienced. A rather high standard, I know and am well aware, but I have learned to be selective. I could... maybe... ask her to teach me to hold a sword, even if not use it, just hold it... it does not even need to be a sword, anything... The thought is rather frightening in itself : I would have to look vulnerable, again, to Hayami... what if she looks at me differently afterward? And say, by some miracle, she accepted, I would have to make mistakes, I would probably fall over, I might even have to listen to instructions without arguing, which I would not like, but, still, I cannot expect to become any better by pretending that I already am, which I am not. I think I shall try to speak to her about this. Ask whether she would be willing to teach me how to handle a weapon properly, how to defend myself and how to keep my head when something unexpected happens, I have no clue whether she will agree. I do not know whether I shall be any good at it, probably not, I will probably discover that I am a dreadful (to myself) fighter, that my wings get in the way, or that I am far better suited to be an annoyance and do logistics than fighting. If so, say Hayami somehow accepted, I shall have learned something useful regardless of outcome, and if I am to be frightened regardless, then I would rather be frightened with a weapon in my hands (other than my claws, since those don't do much against steel) and some idea of what to do with it. I am still an Urd, proud and not-so-tall, after all.

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